Thursday, June 9, 2011

Taming the Inner Beast

I have a pretty fierce inner beast that can only be described as a restlessness of spirit.  It is the legacy a sexual predator left behind in me when he abused me as a 5 year old girl, still in my formative years.  The 3 incidents of molestation were so traumatic that I disassociated from my body, creating a split and vivid memories from the heightened experience of fear that have left an indelible impression on my very being. A lifetime of healing has helped me learn how to cope and thankfully I have learned tools to help me manage this beast (after some unhealthy responses like addiction) but I recognize he will always be a part of me.  Basically when he takes over I lose my connection to my own divinity and grace.  The quickest, most reliable way for me to reconnect to my goodness is to paint the beauty of nature-

In this regard drawing and painting has been a survival technique and one that I established early on in life, as a child~

 Art has been my true, loving partner through a lifetime of changing relationships

Nothing calms my spirit quite like painting Mother Nature's beautiful blossoms.  I become one with them and I once again feel beautiful and whole~

It is a magical transportation to another realm and I lose all sense of self~

It's as if divinity has flooded my being and I become a channel for Her Love.

It brings me great Peace and is the blessing from the beast who never leaves entirely but is tamed for the time being.

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